The Often Overlooked Key to Team Dynamics

Learning the Art of Social Awareness

The Brown family has a special skill. We have the unique ability to turn any normal situation into an awkward moment and we strive to unleash this skill at the most opportune times. You can imagine that not everyone in the family has the same understanding of what is an opportune time and not everyone who is around us appreciates our special skill in the moment.

Alice our 7-year-old is trying to hone in on her skills. She understands and delivers sarcasm very well but doesn’t understand when and when not to deliver it. Meaning – she doesn’t know when she is way over the line.

The key to knowing the right amount of awkward rests in knowing how to read the room. The fancy term for this is, “social awareness”.

It’s about the ability to know how to engage relationally in a way that builds the relationship.

If there is one skill that can make or break a leader’s effectiveness it’s social awareness. I know that’s a big statement. Don’t get me a wrong, great team members have three things in common.

1. They build healthy relationships | RQ

2. They manage emotions and stay focused | EQ

3. They own and excel in areas of responsibility and keep developing | Competency

These three things can’t happen well without applying social awareness.

For example:

• The new 24.5-year-old MBA graduate begins to insert opinions based on grad school case studies and ego rather than business knowledge and expertise. They don’t understand why they aren’t up for promotion and their influence in team meetings is lacking.

• The team member who celebrates challenging every idea in every meeting to make the team better and they can’t understand why they are invited to less meetings.

• The manager diving into the weeds on every project and not empowering the team to follow-through. The manager doesn’t understand they are getting in the way.

• My daughter Alice not realizing her grandma is not enjoying the copying game and so she continues …

Just think about the last social blunder you experienced at work and let us know if you are putting that individual in the 9th box for succession planning.

When on the airplane, how many of you are thankful for the extra loud business call in the seat next to you while everyone is boarding.

This summer I’ve spent about 3 evenings a week on the Fayetteville Greenway bike riding. There is woman who is always on the trail riding an e-bike with a huge smile on her face as she presses the button to make the bike move. Normally it’s all good when we pass one another, but this week was another story.

This week she was smiling and riding in the wrong lane. I was flying around the corner at just under the posted speed limit at 14.999999 miles per hour and her smile quickly changed as I avoided a head-on collision and let her know kindly to stay in her lane. She lacked the awareness of where she was on the trail and almost made quite the painful mess.

Why is this important?

When we don’t have and don’t practice social awareness, we jeopardize our ability to lead, manage and drive for results.

When we don’t understand the impact our words and actions have on the people we lead and work with, we can negatively impact what happens organizationally.

When people believe the lines on the greenway are for artistic design and not traffic flow, people are negatively impacted.

When employees believe policies are for others and not them, budgets and results can be negatively impacted.

In the same way, when we don’t understand how to engage with team members, clients, and customers, the results can be negative.

So, how do you learn or practice social awareness?

1. Pay attention to what’s happening in your team members world and adjust accordingly. When someone is about to go on vacation, don’t load them with more stuff for when they return. Empty their plate so they can enjoy the trip.

2. Know your team and pay attention to what’s happening in their world and let the information impact how you approach them.

3. How often do you talk versus others?

4. How does your breath smell and do you need to take a step back?

We leverage the SDI 2.0 to help leaders learn ways of working with one another effectively, so they know how to practice RQ and EQ without losing the ever-important skill – social awareness.

Our Insight team provides executive coaching, facilitation and training to help leaders, teams and organizations navigate what’s going on and prepare for what will. Find time to chat!   

Three Keys to Leading Through Chaos

Making the Right Decisions While Maintaining Perspective

If you are reading this email, you have most likely driven through a crazy storm at least once. The kind of rainstorm that causes our phones to buzz nonstop with flash flood warnings. In those moments most of us do 3 things. 

1. Focus | We put both hands on the wheel and lean forward to hyper focus on how to control the anything we can control. The car. 

2. Vantage Point | We adjust our lights to give us the best vantage point of what is coming down the road or what obstacles might be in place.

3. Pace | We slow down to make sure we don’t slide off the road or cause an accident during the chaos. 

How come it’s easy for us to make the right decisions during chaos when we’re driving, but at work we often lose perspective? 

The Insight Team has a combined experience of around 100 years, and we’ve witnessed a lot of chaos. Many of the mistakes we see during “chaos” start to erode the culture, isolate team members, and make the problem worse. Those mistakes are not intentional … everyone is just trying to make things work, but during the pursuit to make things work we can make things worse.

Instead of focusing on the right priorities, leaders make a list of everything that needs work, and the team gets overwhelmed. It’s like when my wife makes a weekend list of projects. The list would say everything she wanted: kitchen renovation, paint house, mow the lawn, build shelves in the office, install a new ceiling fan, and power wash the porch. You get the point. All are good, but not all are happening during a weekend. All are good, but not all are the same level of priority. 

Instead of keeping a healthy vantage point leaders often start looking at what’s right in front of them and lose focus of the culture and values that root the organization. They lose sight of the long-term vision and make short term fixes that exhaust and demoralize the team. 

Instead of keeping a healthy pace leaders start sprinting. The problem is that the team is typically not in “sprint” shape. It’s like watching an out of shape 45-year-old former H.S. track star try to sprint a 400. About 33.4 yards in they wonder what they are doing on the track and how they got to their current fitness level. I’ll tell you what they aren’t doing. They aren’t focusing on how to control their breathing to finish the race. Sometimes in crisis we must move quickly, but sometimes we manufacture the crisis because of our stress. Make sure a sprint must be a sprint, otherwise keep the marathon pace that the team can sustain for the long haul. 

Here are three things to think about and actions to take:

Wrong Focus | Trying to move the team forward with 31 top priorities is like trying to get fit while enjoying tasty fried chicken daily. It doesn’t matter how much you work – you are working against yourself. 

Action Step: Nail down the 1-4 things your team needs to knock out ASAP and then build to the next few items on the list. Yes, everything is vital, but if you don’t focus you will spin your wheels and have too many unintended consequences.

Wrong Vantage Point | During organizational chaos it’s easy to look at what’s right in front of us and lose sight of what’s coming. It’s like focusing so much on the rain while driving, but ignoring the signs that say, “bridge is out”. If the driver would have seen the sign, they could have saved plenty of time by finding a new route instead of driving all the way to the bridge. 

Action Step: Leverage the team, the data and strategic foresight to look at what’s coming around the corner and not just at what is right in front of you. Adjust course as necessary before wasting more time and resources. 

Wrong Speed | Sometimes there is a time and place to put the pedal down to the floorboard and go without looking back. While moving at full speed we often miss key details and important conversations that help make sure we get to our end destination. There’s a balance though – if we freeze up and go too slow, we don’t get anywhere. We must move but move at the right pace. How do you know if you are moving at the right pace? Is your team aligned? Can your team explain the priorities to a key stakeholder? If you went on vacation would the team be able to keep driving without you? 

Action Step: Move at the pace you can keep the team aligned. When aligned you can go faster together. Focus on constant two-way communication and drive forward. 

During the next “crisis” we encourage you to remember to focus on top priorities, keep a healthy vantage point, and watch your pace. 

Get to where you need to go and keep the team aligned while you are on the journey. 

Our Insight team provides executive coaching, facilitation and training to help leaders, teams and organizations navigate what’s going on and prepare for what will. Find time to chat!   

What Path are you paving? Discerning the difference between leading & Individually performing

During Father’s Day of 2024, I was dead set on taking my kids mountain biking. After airing up tires and loading bikes for 30 minutes we finally made our way to the trail … minus one kid. Alice stayed back.

There we were ready to conquer the single track on this momentous occasion. Titus (18-year-old) started riding with Elliott (15-year-old) and Ezra (11 year old) was with me. We were supposed to be together, but that didn’t happen until we made it back to the car. 

Ezra and I were roughly 3.68 miles in and coming up on what my friend Chad calls “Heartbreak Hill” … not because a high school girlfriend broke his heart 25 years ago … but because it feels like you are going to have a heart attack when riding up. 

I saw the hill and coached Ezra to shift to the easy gears. He was locked in. Then I saw two routes: jump on the pavement to wind around calmly or ride the single track straight up the hill. So, I powered up the hill like a father of four typically would. Then I looked back and saw Ezra struggling to pedal but giving it his all. 

Then the lesson hit. I shouted down the hill, “Ezra you can take the pavement path around and make it easier.” He said, “Dad, I’m going to do whatever you do. I’m following you.” 

There are so many deep thoughts there about parenting and some about leadership. I’ll provide a thought about each.

Leadership Thought

We have a responsibility as leaders to make sure we pave a path for our team to follow. Sometimes we need to push them and sometimes we need to take a path that is more easily followed. Ezra was walking his bike straight up the hill determined to follow in my footsteps. So, I rode down to him, and we jumped on the pavement together. He was able to ride up Heartbreak Hill on the pavement. 

Sometimes we work in a way that is individually “successful”, but not helpful for the team to perform at a high-level as well. 

Action: Consider the ways you work and determine if there are some areas you need to slow down in, so the team can catch up.

Parenting Thought

The one thing we can’t get back is time with our kids. Our kids are looking to us and if we don’t spend time investing in them, our kids will find others to speak into their lives. They are trying to follow us, but we might inadvertently leave them wondering if we care about them, especially if we are riding up the hill and they are walking while struggling to keep up. It does not matter how old your children are – they want time with you, and they want your affirmation, encouragement, and oh yeah – TIME. 

Action: Schedule time in your calendar to go get donuts with your kids, a lunch date during the week or bike ride in the afternoon. Vacations are fun, but the habits in the normal part of our lives make the big difference.

Wrap-Up

Every one of our kids are different. Every one of our team members are different. 

• Elliott stopped along the trail to take epic pictures. 

• Ezra’s legs were burning but wants my validation, so he tries hard to follow.

• Titus loves going fast and rode in-between all of us back and forth to keep tabs. 

Know your team, know what they need and use discernment to determine when you need to race up the hill and when you need to go the long way so your team can go with you. 

When “Happy birthday” fell flat: Navigating Intentions and Perceptions

Last week my wife and I were enjoying a quiet a dinner by the docks of Cape Coral when something unexpected happened. I try not to work while on a date, but this experience was just too good not to capture and share. 

I think this mini story encapsulates what many of our clients and us (Insight) have experienced for many years. During some of our communication sessions we discuss the difference between our intentions and perceptions (specifically, how what we intend is perceived). When there is a disconnect there can be conflict and frustration. 

So … there we were on the docks enjoying incredible seafood and a large group was sat about 5 feet away from us. This group resembled a sorority/fraternity gathering, but they were all in their mid-to late twenties. There were probably more Instagram poses than drinks on the table. 

Then it happened. A 10-year-old girl walked out of the restaurant with her siblings and saw the “happy birthday” crown and confidently shouted with zero awareness, “Hey – Happy Birthday, how old are you?”. No one responded, but on her third try the table gave the little girl their attention. The little girl, full of innocence, blurted out once again, “Happy Birthday, how old are you today?” The young woman happily exclaimed, “I’m 26!” Then the little girl stole the night and said, “That’s great! My mom is 26 too! Happy Birthday!” 

I kid you not, for a moment you could hear a pin drop on those docks in shock and awe and so I shouted over, “Happy Birthday!!!”

The celebration from the young girl was completely innocent and meaningful. However, the birthday girl heard it as an insult. 

We’ve all been there on both sides of the story. 

• We’ve shared feedback and thoughts at work and home in a way that completely missed the mark.

• We’ve heard feedback and ideas from others that left us reeling when really, they were trying to help.

Often, it seems our first attempt to communicate with clarity falls flat. So, we have three choices: 

1. Remain clueless to the impact our words have on others and not develop our awareness.

2. Sense the disconnect but shy away from fixing the misunderstanding.

3. Practice positive regard and ask questions to gain more understanding and clarity. 

This is a microcosm of what happens through social media daily. Quotes are taken out of context and people are disregarded with no opportunity to have a dialogue about intent and meaning. We see the hurt this can cause. But it makes me think – when we don’t practice positive regard for people, and we don’t ask questions to gain more clarity we do the same thing to the people we serve as leaders (and the same is usually true at home). The result is always the same – chaotic conflict, hurt feelings, and/or frustration. 

So, what do we do? 

We practice Relationship Intelligence on a daily basis. We think about who we have the opportunity to work with and what’s important to them. We think about how we can frame up a message to honor the person we are communicating with and when we don’t do it well, we apologize and try again. When someone else does not communicate well to us, we remember they are like that 12-year-old girl saying Happy Birthday … there is no malice involved … we just heard it differently. 

Daily we help leaders work through how to communicate, manage and lead more effectively so they can love life at work and love life at home. We leverage a tool called the SDI 2.0 to help us do that. 

If this article resonates and you see a need to improve your communication or responses to other people miscommunicating shoot a note to michael@insightlg.com and I will connect you to one of our coaches who will help you grow in your Relationship Intelligence a day a time. 

And, if it’s your birthday… "Happy Birthday".

Slow Down: Learn to see the obstacle and strategize

The memory of the voice in the back of my head is as fresh today as it was in 1999. My dad and I were riding Slickrock trail in Moab, Utah. That means we were in the 110-degree heat following a faded red dashed painted line on the slick rock. Since I was 14 years old and an obvious pro mountain biker I was moving at quick pace. 

My dad started yelling, “slowww doownnnn, slowww doowwwnnnn”, as if something horrific was about to happen. A few minutes later I was off the red dashed line on the rock and headed straight for a ravine! I was going too fast to turn … so I went down and stopped sliding right before the ravine. My bike was dangling on my foot over the edge. My arm was bleeding enough to paint a new trail and my dad was saving the “I told you so” for later, after he realized I was going to survive.

I had read all about this trail in mountain bike magazine and was ready to dominate it, but I ignored the coaching … and I almost went into a deep ravine. 

The SDI 2.0 assessment has "reckless" as my top overdone strength, and I think we can see why! 

What’s this inspirational story have to do with strategy? 

Here a couple of questions:

• Are you 10 steps ahead, knowing every curve coming, or trying your hardest to keep from going into a ravine? 

• Are you constantly trying to keep up or are you able to delegate and maintain prioritizing life and work flawlessly?

Most leaders we work with struggle with strategy. When we struggle with strategy, we don’t see the obstacle early enough to mitigate it and make life harder than it needs to be.

If we could just slow down … the clients are demanding it today.
If we could just plan … but we don’t have time. 
If I could just take a break … but if I don’t work, I’ll get farther behind.

Some of the pain points we have worked to relieve with clients to help them focus on strategy have been: 

• More effectively prioritizing and delegating 

• Knowing when to say yes and when to say no 

• More effective time management: Does it have to be a meeting? Do I have to be at the meeting? Do I have to fly in for the meeting? Does the meeting have to be an hour long? 

• Blocking time that doesn’t get moved to focus on knowing where your business is and where your business is going (the building blocks of strategy) 

When my dad was yelling at me it was not because he was upset … it was because he saw what I couldn’t see. He saw that the path I was on was not sustainable at the pace I was going. 

Our focus at Insight Leadership Group is to help leaders love life @ work and love life @ home. We want to see you kick butt and take names and be healthy while you do! 

If this resonates with you a bit, picture my dad with the standard dad voice yelling, “slow down”.

The navy seals have a saying, “Slow is Smooth and Smooth is fast”. It seems counterintuitive, but it’s vital to our health as leaders. 

Slow down. You can’t be smooth without good strategy. My wife will attest to that. Without good strategy, you can’t be fast for an extended period of time without negative unintended consequences. 

Where do you go from here? 

We recommend slowing down … not losing effectiveness but slowing down so you can go fast for the long haul. 

If this idea seems unattainable, more like a dream for a future time … then let’s set up 30 minutes to chat. Let’s connect and talk it through.

Maybe investing in coaching this summer will be what you need to ready yourself for the fall while also enjoying the summer. 

Slow dowwwnnn and give us a call. 

Set up a time to chat. 

Managing Competing Priorities

Navigating the Tension Between Loving Life @ Work and Loving Life @ Home.

During our Insight sessions we often talk about the tension we feel between loving life @ work and loving life @ home. Another way to say that is ... we are all learning how to navigate the tension of conflicting priorities.
 
Work is an obvious priority. If we don’t kick butt and take names at work we aren’t going to be honoring our commitments and earning our income in an honorable way. So, loving life at work is a priority.
 
Family is an obvious priority. Without dating your spouse, investing in your children, and spending time with friends, life can quickly become less meaningful. So loving life at home is a priority.
 
How do we manage competing priorities? How do we determine where to invest our time and who to invest our time with? 
 
There have been seasons in the past 10 years when my wife knew that I had to work because if I didn’t prioritize working, the business would have not have become sustainable. Early mornings, late nights and traveling to anywhere a client needed when they needed it drove the calendar. Financially providing for my family was a priority. Many of you have been there. Many of you are there.
 
Again, "many of you have been there" (i.e. in the past). The distinction is crucial. 
 
I had a key conversation with an entrepreneur in a similar season of life with young children who helped me make key decisions. He said, “We have to decide, how much $$ is enough.” Obviously we can always make more money, but we can't get back the time coaching our kids soccer teams. We can make more money, but we can't get back the time dating our spouse. We can make more money, but we can’t catch up on time lost with friends.
 
So, we have to decide at some juncture, what is the point of it all when we work non-stop at the cost of relationships? When does our non-stop work become destructive rather than productive?
 
Financially providing for my family is a top priority still, but the level of urgency has shifted as the business has become more sustainable.
 
Managing that shift has been a challenge, but one that I’m thankful to endure. Have you felt that challenge as you you’ve grown in your leadership role? Last week I found myself in a predicament. Last year, I committed to speak with a SHRM group and last week, my H.S. Soccer team state playoff schedule came out. I’m an assistant coach and two of my boys wreak havoc in the midfield. Should I speak or should I coach and be a dad?

I can justify speaking ... 

• It’s a commitment and we follow through with our commitments.

• It’s a business development opportunity. Everyone in the room is a potential client.

• It’s business and it’s my job.

I can justify coaching ... 

• It could be the last time I see my boys on the pitch together.

• The team needs me to help coach them to victory.

• I love my boys and want to be there for them.

On the sidelines of my youngest son’s soccer match Saturday afternoon, I turned to a local business leader and family man for some insight. After the conversation, the same thought kept circulating through my mind: In 5 years am I going to be more thankful I spoke at this meeting or watched my boys play in state? What will my kids remember?
 
I’m not discounting speaking. Many of our long-term clients have come through seasons like this. I feel the tension. But what’s most important?
 
There is a point that every spouse and child can fairly ask us, “Am I more important than work?” Every friend can ask, “Is there ever a time we can hang out instead of you working late?”
 
My hope is that we Love Life @ Work and Love Life @ Home.
 
If you are struggling to manage competing priorities at work and need coaching to help you manage the tension – set up a time to chat. 

Priorities Don't Equal Stress: Managing Pens, Priorities and Stress

This morning, I woke up with a flood of energy, exhaustion, and a slight feeling of being overwhelmed after an awesome weekend of soccer in KC with no time for email.

The first task of the day was signing checks for the government, and the second task was endorsing a check my son was going to drop at the bank. Yes, even now, checks are still used! In-between task 1 and task 2, my favorite pen went missing. My heart was broken, and my mind was blown. 

My week is planned, and priorities are set, but knocking everything out is going to take some early mornings and later nights than normal. The schedule is set, but important emails and long meetings interrupt the flow. 

When leaders get overwhelmed, anxious, frustrated, and fearful, we typically go into a state of conflict. On the SDI 2.0, we would say it’s conflict stage 1. We can also see our overdone strengths start to surface. (Side note: if you are stressed and getting overwhelmed let’s set up a few SDI 2.0 coaching sessions with Ryan. When stress surfaces our execution and communication usually diminishes. 

• How do we stay focused when priorities are not aligned with our calendar? 

• How do we stay focused when “fires” get in the way of our priorities?

• How do we stay on mission when stress consumes our mindset?

When I get overwhelmed, my head turns to fog, and it takes intentional effort to lean in and focus on the task at hand. To get focused I have four routes: 

1. Do push-ups.

2. Have a non-work conversation to reset and relax.

3. Remember why the work is important and get focused. 

4. Accomplish something. 

If we don’t reset and focus, then the day gets out of hand … our emotions interfere and our productivity goes out the window. The end result = more stress … because we didn’t get our work done or solve the problems that need solving. 

There is a false idea out there that priorities equal success. Priorities are helpful for sure, but even when you know when and where to focus, the day can get out of hand and stress can take over. 

Priorities are paramount to knowing where to focus. Stress will destroy focus in a moment. 

While I was rushing to soccer practice this afternoon, I found something that was missing all day. Hidden in the pocket of my favorite green pants was my favorite blue pen. It was with me the whole time, but I was going too fast to check. It's crazy how easy it is for me to forget about the simplest of things when rushing in-between meetings. 

It makes me wonder how many times we don’t realize we have everything we need to succeed, but our stress keeps us from tapping into it. 

Think about an elite athlete who struggles for a week. They didn’t’ forget how to shoot, they let life get in the way of the having the right mindset when they shoot. It’s not about skill or will – it’s about health. It’s not about priorities – it’s about managing stress.

So, what’s the point of this? 

If you are a leader struggling to stay focused because of the large workload … 
If you are a leader waking up feeling anxious even though all is good … 
If you are a leader feeling like you can’t ever get across the finish line … 

… then you are a leader who could benefit from making sure you have your priorities set. 

I’m not talking about what time you check email or work on your most difficult project. I’m talking about a 30,000-foot view of what’s important in your life.

Here are the top 3 questions to help set priorities.

• Am I loving life at home? 

• Am I loving life at work? 

• Am I living a healthy life? 

When these three things are going well, our mental and emotional health typically follow suit. When these things are in order, the interruptions, stress, and busy schedule don’t steal the best parts of us. We don’t lose ourselves in pursuit of accomplishing our business goals. Our priorities in life help us stay focused on the priorities we have at work. 

The right priorities however can help us push through the challenges of life and stay healthy and successful on the other side. 

What are your thoughts? 
 

Elbows and Planes: How Do You Handle Conflict?

Some people get it and some people don’t. I’m not sure why. I truly don’t believe we are born with it. We are given a choice. A choice to pay attention. A choice to care. A choice to be aware. Scientists call this social awareness now. It’s a part of EQ and RQ.
 
Recently I was on a small plane from Charlotte, NC, to Harrisburg, PA, and there was not any extra space. The gentleman sat down next to me and proceeded to let his elbows flow into my seat zone. Usually when this happens the perpetrator quickly realizes that comfort isn’t an option they invested in during the flight and adjust accordingly. However, this time was different. This time … his shoulder, his elbows, his arm was in constant awkward contact. He didn’t budge. He continued in place. And this man was not a man who needs to take this much space. It was obvious he didn’t start for his High School football team. He wasn’t a lineman.
 
It was awkward.
 
We’ve all been there ... wishing the person we were forced to interact with, work with, do business with had a semblance of social awareness. Do they understand what they said, the context of the situation, where they are …?
 
I’m not sure what emotions you feel in these moments, but I feel frustration, confusion, anger, disappointment, bewilderment.
 
And, with each feeling we have a choice. 

• How do I proceed with Mr. Elbows?

• How do you proceed with a customer who doesn’t understand boundaries?

• How do you proceed with the team member who is clueless about life outside of themselves?

With whatever our next move is, we need to remember that we have the choice to move forward with Relationship Intelligence (RQ) in these moments. We have the choice to adjust our approach in a manner that honors the person we're utterly frustrated with. We have the choice to lead from where we are rooted, stay consistent with our values, and attempt to get a result in a win/win manner.
 
We have a few options. We all have our go to response, but our natural response is not always the best response for us and not always the best for the person we are interacting with.
 
The SDI 2.0 reveals our unique conflict sequence in one of the four views of a leader. In conflict people do 1 of 3 things first. They accommodate, assert, or analyze.

1. Accommodate | This is when we pretend not to care in the moment and move on hoping everything gets better. However, when we accommodate, most people assume we are in alignment and okay with what’s happening. This might work on a 20 minute flight, but 90 minutes of frustration might hit a boiling point.

2. Assert | This is when we speak up right away to clarify an expectation or decision. This option forces a choice from the other person. They either comply or become combative. Sometimes it is helpful and sometimes it’s not.

3. Analyze | This is when we think through all of the scenarios, rules, and options, before making a decision. You start to research the unwritten rules of who gets the arm rest along with other airplane etiquette. You let the data you found drive the decision.

No one wakes up hoping to deal with someone with no awareness, but, when we do, it’s worth considering our options to accommodate, assert, or analyze. It’s important to remember we have a choice in how we respond not how we feel. So let’s know that our feelings don’t have to drive our decisions. We can honor the people we work with and drive for positive results. 
 
The key is to remember what’s most important and what your goal is before taking action!
 
If you have found yourself struggling to handle challenging situations in healthy or effective ways, then set up a coaching call and let’s see if this is the right time for executive coaching. If you are handling everything that comes your way, but you are losing sight of yourself and what’s important, then set up a time to chat.
 
It’s crucial to love life at work and love life at home. We can’t let the Mr. Elbows in our midst keep us from that priority!

Roots and Mountains: The Tension Between Career Growth and Personal Health

Inevitably, you have thought about what’s next: when and how to retire, what’s the next role, how to hit the next bonus, etc. We are always looking for what’s next.
 
There’s a leadership cliché that’s pretty true for most – “Leadership is lonely at the top”. It’s stated as a reality, but I wonder if that’s the reality because of how we lead. Does it have to be isolating?
 
It’s interesting, when you climb a mountain, vegetation and growth stops at 11,500 feet. Meaning there’s an elevation level that prevents growth because nothing can take root. We strive to climb, but sometimes the higher we climb, the weaker our roots become because we become less connected.
 
We use mountain climbing as a constant analogy for leadership development, and I’m starting to think we’ve been getting it wrong. I’m starting to think the analogy has helped create an isolated and unhealthy leadership culture.
 
Most people who have climbed a fourteener (a mountain peak with an elevation of at least 14,000 ft) have stories about someone in the group who didn’t make it. Someone had to stop and turn back. They couldn’t handle it, they got sick, they got nervous, or they weren’t prepared for the climb. Most people don’t make it to the top. There’s something exhilarating about planting the flag and seeing the view. It’s exhilarating, but you can’t survive long at the top of the mountain. The air is thin, there’s no protection, there’s no community, and a big storm will send you down.

Maybe, that’s why leadership at the top of the organization can often live in a place of anxiousness and fear, with no rest. There’s so much at stake underneath a leader’s stewardship and our shoulders can only bear so much weight. Vacations can’t alleviate all the pressure when we come right back to the mountain peak to lead.
 
We have this whole leadership metaphor wrong. Maybe we should stop climbing and start growing roots.
 
The root system of a healthy tree is connected to all the other trees in the forest. That connection gives the tree strength, nutrients, and the ability to weather adversity. That connection gives the tree the ability to provide to other trees what they need to stay strong and the ability for that tree to provide nutrients to the leaves and fruit so they can develop to become what they are supposed to be.
 
It's a fascinating picture. The more scientists study forests and trees, the more I see God's fingerprints. I believe God created the forest to show us a picture of how we should live: connected to one another ... helping one another ... in community with one another ... not in isolation ... not disconnected.
 
Ask yourself this ... What if we stopped isolating ourselves and started building more meaningful roots?
 
This is a challenge at the executive level because relationships change as your roles change. Peers you now lead will inevitably view you different because your role has changed. Family and friends who haven’t been in your shoes see the title, but don’t understand the weight on your shoulders and stress you feel.

They don’t understand that travel isn’t glorious. They don’t understand that travel isn’t optional. They don’t understand the weight of leading a 3-billion-dollar business and managing 600 employees. They don’t get it and you know it. They don’t understand the pressures on your marriage that are different from theirs because the pressures of the role you have. This reality can make life lonely at the top, but I wonder if we get lonely because we forget how to build connection.
 
Relationships change. If you feel like you are at the top of the mountain struggling to stand firm, it’s time to grow a root system to be healthy. 

Remember Where You're Rooted: Looking Back at the Pictures

During my flight to Distilled, the WiFi was down and my laptop battery was shot. Distilled is all about helping leaders clarify their purpose, lead with purpose and to be healthy enough as a leader to leave the legacy they dream of leaving. To be healthy, we need to rest. So, it might have been fitting that the WiFi was down on every flight.
 
With no books in tow, I ended up deciding to clean up my phone. We have 4 kids who randomly snag my phone and take 82 million pictures of any one thing in sight during that moment. I started scrolling through photos, selecting and deleting unwanted or unneeded photos. (What a concept – scrolling our own photos instead of random photos on social media …) In the meantime, though, I started reminiscing.
 
It’s incredible to look back and see pictures of Ezra holding Alice when she was an infant ... both of them smiling and laughing. Last night at the house, they were pretending not to like each other by constantly arguing. I saw pictures of Titus and his buddies from elementary school smiling and laughing with complete innocence totally unaware about the challenges of life they have now faced. I saw Elliott smiling big while enjoying hiking in the Grand Tetons. I saw all the trips of Meg and I over the years and remembered some amazing times.
 
I also saw pictures that reminded me of some of the most challenging years during the past decade. I saw memories of people who were friends in our past, memories of friends who helped Meg and I navigate life, memories of foster kids in our home who had seen more pain than most of us could ever imagine. 
 
Looking back has it’s rewards and looking back can bring up memories that remind us of how far we’ve come.
 
Just last night Meg was teasing me about how I love pictures with our family and not just pictures of sunsets and beaches. Looking back is not about seeing what I’ve seen all over again; it’s about seeing where I’ve been with the people in my life.
 
Does any of this matter?
 
Yes – Action Step #1: Next time on the airplane scroll through your personal photos.
 
Also – Remember where you are "rooted" and remember what legacy you want to leave. Looking back helps me remember what’s most important. Yes, I had some incredible food pictures, but … who cares? Yes, I had some incredible pictures of plane wings and clouds, but Crystal Bridges isn’t calling for them…
 
The pictures that were most important were: the pictures of my wife and I celebrating an anniversary ... or pictures of cheering our boys on from the sidelines ... or the pictures of our kids enjoying life together and building strong family bonds ... or the pictures of awesome times with great friends we are doing life with ... or the pictures of Meg singing in church or teaching ... or the pictures of the boys scoring goals ... or the pictures of Ryan and I birding to our next client meeting ... or the pictures of amazing clients we get to serve.
 
The pictures help me remember where I’m rooted. The pictures help me remember what’s most important. Hopefully, If I remember what’s most important, my life can align accordingly. Hopefully, I take the time to stay healthy emotionally, physically, spiritually, and relationally, in order to leave a legacy worth remembering ... a legacy that is formed from where I’m rooted.

Devastating Car Noises and False Assumptions: Taking the time to know and not assume

It was a normal nice afternoon drive, but there was a persistent subtle noise coming from the front end of my car. A few years ago, I found a great deal on 2012 Audi with 26,000 miles on it. Now the car has 80,000 miles. If you have ever shopped for an Audi, you know that they have a reputation for breaking and being expensive to fix. Up to this point all has been smooth, but this noise was starting to make me nervous! 

I turned off the A/C, rolled up the windows, turned off the air-conditioned seat and muted the radio. The noise persisted …

This one small noise was driving me crazy!  I started car shopping, looking at trade-in value, and dreading the loss of my all-time favorite car. 

Have you ever been there? 

When is the last time you saw a small issue at work? When did you notice a “red flag”? When did you start to replay a conversation with a team member over and over again? 

It’s wild how we can let our minds run with assumptions based on our experiences, data, and intuition. We can quickly ruin our day, jeopardize a project, and burn a relational bridge by assuming the worst and making decisions because of it. 

After a day or so of my car running nice and smooth, I finally realized what was happening … a LEAF!! All the perspiration, car shopping, nervousness … and for what? 

It was a crusty leaf with a good-sized root stuck under the hood right by the windshield, and it made plenty of noise! As the car accelerated the little root made a strong tapping noise reminiscent of an expensive car fix!

You’ve already judged me a bit, I’m sure! “Why didn’t you check?!” I never popped the hood for three reasons.

1. My wife doesn’t need to pretend I know what I’m looking at under the hood of a car.

2. If I looked under the hood, I wouldn’t know what I was looking at.

3. I was in a constant rush and didn’t take the time to do a full assessment of what was going on. 

So much wasted time for something that was meaningless. 

• What if we took the time to actually assess the situation before jumping to conclusions?

• What if we took the time to have a candid conversation before ruining our day and someone else’s?

• What if we validated actual data and not our “emotional” assumptions based on insecurities and fears? 

My guess is that we would have more enjoyable afternoon drives without worrying about little meaningless noises. 

The "Most Important" Questions: How to Lead Through Big Decisions

How do you help a Senior choose a college? 

How do you determine which route to go … which decision to make? Some decisions don’t make a big impact on your life … Chick-Fil-A versus Big Shaq’s Chicken? Both are consistently tasty fried chicken. Both, no matter how much you pray, will consistently have a similar impact on your waistline and energy levels over time. Every decision have an impact.

Our oldest son, Titus, is inundated with the choice, “where are you going to go to school?”. He’s applied at large schools, small schools, state schools, Christian schools, etc. All are good schools. All have offered him sizeable amounts of scholarship money. The question I asked him while sitting in the lounge at the Dallas airport helped him start to sift through the decisions. 

The questions is simple: What is the criteria you are using to determine which school you should go to? He gave me a look; you know that look we parents get when business logic is brought into the home. So, I said, “when you are on the pitch and choosing which pass to make, you have 3-5 options and choose the best one. How do you choose the best one?"

It’s that type of decision making he need to bring into his school choice. 

The actual question I’m asking is: What’s most important? Not what is convenient, not, what is easy, but what is most important. 

The other question is: When you are done, how do you know it was worth it? 

It’s amazing what happens when we stop looking at what is convenient, what is easy, what is right in front of us, what we have done before, etc. … and we start looking at … 

What’s most important?
How do we know it was worth it?

Suddenly, we have criteria for decision making that we didn’t have written down before. 

We all have decisions to make daily. Our decisions impact lives in significant ways. Your leadership leaves a ripple effect on your organization, your family, your community and the families of your team members. What legacy are you leaving by your decisions? 

The final questions before making a big decision should be: What legacy am I going to leave? 

Let’s get very practical right now. You might be leading through:
Organizational transformations

• Layoffs

• Budget cuts

• Fast growth and fast fires

• New product launches 

• Leadership training to improve culture and performance. 

How are you making those decisions? Are you asking:

• What’s most important?

• What result makes this decision worth it?

• What legacy will this decision leave? 

Before making your next big decisions, be sure you can answer these questions. 

At Insight Leadership Group we want to you to love your life at work and love your life at home. We know that is much easier when we are healthy leaders who sleep with your heads on your pillows at night without regret and wake up without fear for the day. 

Top 10 Change Leadership Tips: Leading Change. Change Management. Navigating Change.

We live in a world of constant change. The one constant of change that never changes is that we are willing to lead through change when the change initiative aligns with our motives. What this means is that when the change is important to us, we change and anchor that change for the long haul. No matter which change process you follow, these 10 tips are vital.
 
Here are Insight’s 10 Leadership Tips for Leading Change. 

1. Clarify the “Why” and make sure the “Why” is worth it before moving forward.

2. Be sure you communicate so often that team members start to “mock” you for saying the same thing over and over and over again. Then ... continue communicating vision with redundancy.

3. Connect the change you are driving for to the individual motives of everyone impacted.

4. Remember people are not inferior or superior, they just have different roles and responsibilities. Accept ideas, questions, and challenges from anyone.

5. Don’t move forward if everyone says, “good idea”, without pushing back. If leaders don’t push back, it’s because they don’t trust your response or think their response matters.

6. Keep a positive mindset by continually casting vision while clarifying understanding and agility instead of leading what is out of your control – control your mindset and attitude.

7. Remember feedback is a gift leaders need to receive and a gift leaders need to give.

8. Drive for accountability while empowering team members to lead without anyone looking over their shoulders.

9. Pay attention to how often you stay up late doing your team’s work. If you are doing their work, you aren’t leading, because no one is following. And the change isn’t going to be sustainable.

10. Remember everyone you work with is unique which is why it is vital to lead with RQ (Relationship Intelligence) on a daily basis to help you honor and value every team member.

Get After It! Harnessing the Power of Your First Choice

We make choices every day and those choices reveal our priorities. Those priorities become habits and those habits shape our life. 

We make choices and form habits based on what is important to us. If you are not happy with where you are right now and want to make changes in 2024, then you need to dig deep and consider what is most important to you. What’s most important wins. 

Here’s the deal. It’s not about the feeling, the emotion, the weather, etc. … it’s about the choice. One of my pet peeves is when people ask if I’m a motivational speaker. The answer is no. I truly don’t believe any amount of motivation I provide someone through an emotional appeal, is long lasting. Motivation comes from within. Motivation comes from the insights you have about your life and in your life about what is most important and what you want to accomplish. 

Over the past few weeks, we have encouraged you to work a process to reflect, to dream, and now to get after it. 

We hope that the process you’ve worked is giving you a sense of what is important and that you have the motivation to align your choices with what you want to accomplish.

At some point we must make the choices to get after it. 

Reminding ourselves about what is most important can help us:

• Set the reservation to take our significant others on dates.

• Manage the evening time to create space for intentionally engaging with our kids.

• Continually set money aside to pay down debt or take the trip you’ve talked about but never done.

Reminding ourselves about what is most important can help us:

• Set the one-on-one times to coach our team members effectively and be the kind of leader you are proud of. 

• Manage the process to stay efficient, scalable, and excellent.

• Continually develop yourself so you don’t become complacent. 

Reminding ourselves about what is most important can help us:

• Work the lead process we forget and ignore.

• Make the tough choices on a project to move it to completion. 

• Clarify succession planning instead of leaving team members in limbo. 

At some point, we have to make the choice to get after it. Our choices reveal our priorities and our priorities become our habits. If you don’t like where you are – it’s time to make new choices and form new habits. 

Here are a few questions for you?

What are your top 2 big personal goals for 2024?

1)  Goal

• My first choice to move towards that goal is …

• I’m going to execute that choice by _____

2)  Goal

• My first choice to move towards that goal is … 

• I’m going to execute that choice by _____

What are your top 2 big professional goals for 2024? 

1)  Goal

• My first choice to move towards that goal is …

• I’m going to execute that choice by _____

2)  Goal

• My first choice to move towards that goal is … 

• I’m going to execute that choice by _____

Don’t get so overwhelmed by the end destination that you forget about the first choice to get there.  

For the past 2 years, it’s been painful on my knees every time I run … so I stopped running.  Well, running is quite beneficial to be healthy, and it’s much easier to do while traveling. During November, my brother-in-law convinced me to start up again on the trail. After a week and a half, I realized he put me on a training plan for a half-marathon he was signed up for. If he would have said – let’s start training for a half, I would have said not a chance. He just said, let’s go run for 30 minutes on the trail. 15 out and 15 in. This was my “first choice”. I feel so much better after starting. It's about the start. Don’t focus so much on the destination that you don’t start. Don’t be afraid to start and see what happens. 

• Make the reservation to your spouse’s favorite restaurant.

• Tonight play your kid’s favorite game.

• Send a message or call the prospect you’ve been nervous to pitch to.

• Move money over to savings. 

• Make the necessary call and move the project closer to completion. 

• Sign up for the Courageous Manager Cohort to develop yourself to an effective manager.

• Sign up for Distilled to focus on Rest and align your leadership with purpose. 

• Do your first choice now, and then do it again and again and again. 

Rest. Dream. Get After It. 

While we Get After It – take the time to surround yourself with people who give you life and energy along the journey. Healthy community is key to healthy habits that propel you towards your goals and dreams.  

Let’s love life at work and most importantly love life at home. We are at our best when we are our best at work and home. 

Cheers to 2024!