Elbows and Planes: How Do You Handle Conflict?

Some people get it and some people don’t. I’m not sure why. I truly don’t believe we are born with it. We are given a choice. A choice to pay attention. A choice to care. A choice to be aware. Scientists call this social awareness now. It’s a part of EQ and RQ.
 
Recently I was on a small plane from Charlotte, NC, to Harrisburg, PA, and there was not any extra space. The gentleman sat down next to me and proceeded to let his elbows flow into my seat zone. Usually when this happens the perpetrator quickly realizes that comfort isn’t an option they invested in during the flight and adjust accordingly. However, this time was different. This time … his shoulder, his elbows, his arm was in constant awkward contact. He didn’t budge. He continued in place. And this man was not a man who needs to take this much space. It was obvious he didn’t start for his High School football team. He wasn’t a lineman.
 
It was awkward.
 
We’ve all been there ... wishing the person we were forced to interact with, work with, do business with had a semblance of social awareness. Do they understand what they said, the context of the situation, where they are …?
 
I’m not sure what emotions you feel in these moments, but I feel frustration, confusion, anger, disappointment, bewilderment.
 
And, with each feeling we have a choice. 

• How do I proceed with Mr. Elbows?

• How do you proceed with a customer who doesn’t understand boundaries?

• How do you proceed with the team member who is clueless about life outside of themselves?

With whatever our next move is, we need to remember that we have the choice to move forward with Relationship Intelligence (RQ) in these moments. We have the choice to adjust our approach in a manner that honors the person we're utterly frustrated with. We have the choice to lead from where we are rooted, stay consistent with our values, and attempt to get a result in a win/win manner.
 
We have a few options. We all have our go to response, but our natural response is not always the best response for us and not always the best for the person we are interacting with.
 
The SDI 2.0 reveals our unique conflict sequence in one of the four views of a leader. In conflict people do 1 of 3 things first. They accommodate, assert, or analyze.

1. Accommodate | This is when we pretend not to care in the moment and move on hoping everything gets better. However, when we accommodate, most people assume we are in alignment and okay with what’s happening. This might work on a 20 minute flight, but 90 minutes of frustration might hit a boiling point.

2. Assert | This is when we speak up right away to clarify an expectation or decision. This option forces a choice from the other person. They either comply or become combative. Sometimes it is helpful and sometimes it’s not.

3. Analyze | This is when we think through all of the scenarios, rules, and options, before making a decision. You start to research the unwritten rules of who gets the arm rest along with other airplane etiquette. You let the data you found drive the decision.

No one wakes up hoping to deal with someone with no awareness, but, when we do, it’s worth considering our options to accommodate, assert, or analyze. It’s important to remember we have a choice in how we respond not how we feel. So let’s know that our feelings don’t have to drive our decisions. We can honor the people we work with and drive for positive results. 
 
The key is to remember what’s most important and what your goal is before taking action!
 
If you have found yourself struggling to handle challenging situations in healthy or effective ways, then set up a coaching call and let’s see if this is the right time for executive coaching. If you are handling everything that comes your way, but you are losing sight of yourself and what’s important, then set up a time to chat.
 
It’s crucial to love life at work and love life at home. We can’t let the Mr. Elbows in our midst keep us from that priority!

Roots and Mountains: The Tension Between Career Growth and Personal Health

Inevitably, you have thought about what’s next: when and how to retire, what’s the next role, how to hit the next bonus, etc. We are always looking for what’s next.
 
There’s a leadership cliché that’s pretty true for most – “Leadership is lonely at the top”. It’s stated as a reality, but I wonder if that’s the reality because of how we lead. Does it have to be isolating?
 
It’s interesting, when you climb a mountain, vegetation and growth stops at 11,500 feet. Meaning there’s an elevation level that prevents growth because nothing can take root. We strive to climb, but sometimes the higher we climb, the weaker our roots become because we become less connected.
 
We use mountain climbing as a constant analogy for leadership development, and I’m starting to think we’ve been getting it wrong. I’m starting to think the analogy has helped create an isolated and unhealthy leadership culture.
 
Most people who have climbed a fourteener (a mountain peak with an elevation of at least 14,000 ft) have stories about someone in the group who didn’t make it. Someone had to stop and turn back. They couldn’t handle it, they got sick, they got nervous, or they weren’t prepared for the climb. Most people don’t make it to the top. There’s something exhilarating about planting the flag and seeing the view. It’s exhilarating, but you can’t survive long at the top of the mountain. The air is thin, there’s no protection, there’s no community, and a big storm will send you down.

Maybe, that’s why leadership at the top of the organization can often live in a place of anxiousness and fear, with no rest. There’s so much at stake underneath a leader’s stewardship and our shoulders can only bear so much weight. Vacations can’t alleviate all the pressure when we come right back to the mountain peak to lead.
 
We have this whole leadership metaphor wrong. Maybe we should stop climbing and start growing roots.
 
The root system of a healthy tree is connected to all the other trees in the forest. That connection gives the tree strength, nutrients, and the ability to weather adversity. That connection gives the tree the ability to provide to other trees what they need to stay strong and the ability for that tree to provide nutrients to the leaves and fruit so they can develop to become what they are supposed to be.
 
It's a fascinating picture. The more scientists study forests and trees, the more I see God's fingerprints. I believe God created the forest to show us a picture of how we should live: connected to one another ... helping one another ... in community with one another ... not in isolation ... not disconnected.
 
Ask yourself this ... What if we stopped isolating ourselves and started building more meaningful roots?
 
This is a challenge at the executive level because relationships change as your roles change. Peers you now lead will inevitably view you different because your role has changed. Family and friends who haven’t been in your shoes see the title, but don’t understand the weight on your shoulders and stress you feel.

They don’t understand that travel isn’t glorious. They don’t understand that travel isn’t optional. They don’t understand the weight of leading a 3-billion-dollar business and managing 600 employees. They don’t get it and you know it. They don’t understand the pressures on your marriage that are different from theirs because the pressures of the role you have. This reality can make life lonely at the top, but I wonder if we get lonely because we forget how to build connection.
 
Relationships change. If you feel like you are at the top of the mountain struggling to stand firm, it’s time to grow a root system to be healthy. 

Remember Where You're Rooted: Looking Back at the Pictures

During my flight to Distilled, the WiFi was down and my laptop battery was shot. Distilled is all about helping leaders clarify their purpose, lead with purpose and to be healthy enough as a leader to leave the legacy they dream of leaving. To be healthy, we need to rest. So, it might have been fitting that the WiFi was down on every flight.
 
With no books in tow, I ended up deciding to clean up my phone. We have 4 kids who randomly snag my phone and take 82 million pictures of any one thing in sight during that moment. I started scrolling through photos, selecting and deleting unwanted or unneeded photos. (What a concept – scrolling our own photos instead of random photos on social media …) In the meantime, though, I started reminiscing.
 
It’s incredible to look back and see pictures of Ezra holding Alice when she was an infant ... both of them smiling and laughing. Last night at the house, they were pretending not to like each other by constantly arguing. I saw pictures of Titus and his buddies from elementary school smiling and laughing with complete innocence totally unaware about the challenges of life they have now faced. I saw Elliott smiling big while enjoying hiking in the Grand Tetons. I saw all the trips of Meg and I over the years and remembered some amazing times.
 
I also saw pictures that reminded me of some of the most challenging years during the past decade. I saw memories of people who were friends in our past, memories of friends who helped Meg and I navigate life, memories of foster kids in our home who had seen more pain than most of us could ever imagine. 
 
Looking back has it’s rewards and looking back can bring up memories that remind us of how far we’ve come.
 
Just last night Meg was teasing me about how I love pictures with our family and not just pictures of sunsets and beaches. Looking back is not about seeing what I’ve seen all over again; it’s about seeing where I’ve been with the people in my life.
 
Does any of this matter?
 
Yes – Action Step #1: Next time on the airplane scroll through your personal photos.
 
Also – Remember where you are "rooted" and remember what legacy you want to leave. Looking back helps me remember what’s most important. Yes, I had some incredible food pictures, but … who cares? Yes, I had some incredible pictures of plane wings and clouds, but Crystal Bridges isn’t calling for them…
 
The pictures that were most important were: the pictures of my wife and I celebrating an anniversary ... or pictures of cheering our boys on from the sidelines ... or the pictures of our kids enjoying life together and building strong family bonds ... or the pictures of awesome times with great friends we are doing life with ... or the pictures of Meg singing in church or teaching ... or the pictures of the boys scoring goals ... or the pictures of Ryan and I birding to our next client meeting ... or the pictures of amazing clients we get to serve.
 
The pictures help me remember where I’m rooted. The pictures help me remember what’s most important. Hopefully, If I remember what’s most important, my life can align accordingly. Hopefully, I take the time to stay healthy emotionally, physically, spiritually, and relationally, in order to leave a legacy worth remembering ... a legacy that is formed from where I’m rooted.

Devastating Car Noises and False Assumptions: Taking the time to know and not assume

It was a normal nice afternoon drive, but there was a persistent subtle noise coming from the front end of my car. A few years ago, I found a great deal on 2012 Audi with 26,000 miles on it. Now the car has 80,000 miles. If you have ever shopped for an Audi, you know that they have a reputation for breaking and being expensive to fix. Up to this point all has been smooth, but this noise was starting to make me nervous! 

I turned off the A/C, rolled up the windows, turned off the air-conditioned seat and muted the radio. The noise persisted …

This one small noise was driving me crazy!  I started car shopping, looking at trade-in value, and dreading the loss of my all-time favorite car. 

Have you ever been there? 

When is the last time you saw a small issue at work? When did you notice a “red flag”? When did you start to replay a conversation with a team member over and over again? 

It’s wild how we can let our minds run with assumptions based on our experiences, data, and intuition. We can quickly ruin our day, jeopardize a project, and burn a relational bridge by assuming the worst and making decisions because of it. 

After a day or so of my car running nice and smooth, I finally realized what was happening … a LEAF!! All the perspiration, car shopping, nervousness … and for what? 

It was a crusty leaf with a good-sized root stuck under the hood right by the windshield, and it made plenty of noise! As the car accelerated the little root made a strong tapping noise reminiscent of an expensive car fix!

You’ve already judged me a bit, I’m sure! “Why didn’t you check?!” I never popped the hood for three reasons.

1. My wife doesn’t need to pretend I know what I’m looking at under the hood of a car.

2. If I looked under the hood, I wouldn’t know what I was looking at.

3. I was in a constant rush and didn’t take the time to do a full assessment of what was going on. 

So much wasted time for something that was meaningless. 

• What if we took the time to actually assess the situation before jumping to conclusions?

• What if we took the time to have a candid conversation before ruining our day and someone else’s?

• What if we validated actual data and not our “emotional” assumptions based on insecurities and fears? 

My guess is that we would have more enjoyable afternoon drives without worrying about little meaningless noises. 

The "Most Important" Questions: How to Lead Through Big Decisions

How do you help a Senior choose a college? 

How do you determine which route to go … which decision to make? Some decisions don’t make a big impact on your life … Chick-Fil-A versus Big Shaq’s Chicken? Both are consistently tasty fried chicken. Both, no matter how much you pray, will consistently have a similar impact on your waistline and energy levels over time. Every decision have an impact.

Our oldest son, Titus, is inundated with the choice, “where are you going to go to school?”. He’s applied at large schools, small schools, state schools, Christian schools, etc. All are good schools. All have offered him sizeable amounts of scholarship money. The question I asked him while sitting in the lounge at the Dallas airport helped him start to sift through the decisions. 

The questions is simple: What is the criteria you are using to determine which school you should go to? He gave me a look; you know that look we parents get when business logic is brought into the home. So, I said, “when you are on the pitch and choosing which pass to make, you have 3-5 options and choose the best one. How do you choose the best one?"

It’s that type of decision making he need to bring into his school choice. 

The actual question I’m asking is: What’s most important? Not what is convenient, not, what is easy, but what is most important. 

The other question is: When you are done, how do you know it was worth it? 

It’s amazing what happens when we stop looking at what is convenient, what is easy, what is right in front of us, what we have done before, etc. … and we start looking at … 

What’s most important?
How do we know it was worth it?

Suddenly, we have criteria for decision making that we didn’t have written down before. 

We all have decisions to make daily. Our decisions impact lives in significant ways. Your leadership leaves a ripple effect on your organization, your family, your community and the families of your team members. What legacy are you leaving by your decisions? 

The final questions before making a big decision should be: What legacy am I going to leave? 

Let’s get very practical right now. You might be leading through:
Organizational transformations

• Layoffs

• Budget cuts

• Fast growth and fast fires

• New product launches 

• Leadership training to improve culture and performance. 

How are you making those decisions? Are you asking:

• What’s most important?

• What result makes this decision worth it?

• What legacy will this decision leave? 

Before making your next big decisions, be sure you can answer these questions. 

At Insight Leadership Group we want to you to love your life at work and love your life at home. We know that is much easier when we are healthy leaders who sleep with your heads on your pillows at night without regret and wake up without fear for the day. 

Top 10 Change Leadership Tips: Leading Change. Change Management. Navigating Change.

We live in a world of constant change. The one constant of change that never changes is that we are willing to lead through change when the change initiative aligns with our motives. What this means is that when the change is important to us, we change and anchor that change for the long haul. No matter which change process you follow, these 10 tips are vital.
 
Here are Insight’s 10 Leadership Tips for Leading Change. 

1. Clarify the “Why” and make sure the “Why” is worth it before moving forward.

2. Be sure you communicate so often that team members start to “mock” you for saying the same thing over and over and over again. Then ... continue communicating vision with redundancy.

3. Connect the change you are driving for to the individual motives of everyone impacted.

4. Remember people are not inferior or superior, they just have different roles and responsibilities. Accept ideas, questions, and challenges from anyone.

5. Don’t move forward if everyone says, “good idea”, without pushing back. If leaders don’t push back, it’s because they don’t trust your response or think their response matters.

6. Keep a positive mindset by continually casting vision while clarifying understanding and agility instead of leading what is out of your control – control your mindset and attitude.

7. Remember feedback is a gift leaders need to receive and a gift leaders need to give.

8. Drive for accountability while empowering team members to lead without anyone looking over their shoulders.

9. Pay attention to how often you stay up late doing your team’s work. If you are doing their work, you aren’t leading, because no one is following. And the change isn’t going to be sustainable.

10. Remember everyone you work with is unique which is why it is vital to lead with RQ (Relationship Intelligence) on a daily basis to help you honor and value every team member.

Get After It! Harnessing the Power of Your First Choice

We make choices every day and those choices reveal our priorities. Those priorities become habits and those habits shape our life. 

We make choices and form habits based on what is important to us. If you are not happy with where you are right now and want to make changes in 2024, then you need to dig deep and consider what is most important to you. What’s most important wins. 

Here’s the deal. It’s not about the feeling, the emotion, the weather, etc. … it’s about the choice. One of my pet peeves is when people ask if I’m a motivational speaker. The answer is no. I truly don’t believe any amount of motivation I provide someone through an emotional appeal, is long lasting. Motivation comes from within. Motivation comes from the insights you have about your life and in your life about what is most important and what you want to accomplish. 

Over the past few weeks, we have encouraged you to work a process to reflect, to dream, and now to get after it. 

We hope that the process you’ve worked is giving you a sense of what is important and that you have the motivation to align your choices with what you want to accomplish.

At some point we must make the choices to get after it. 

Reminding ourselves about what is most important can help us:

• Set the reservation to take our significant others on dates.

• Manage the evening time to create space for intentionally engaging with our kids.

• Continually set money aside to pay down debt or take the trip you’ve talked about but never done.

Reminding ourselves about what is most important can help us:

• Set the one-on-one times to coach our team members effectively and be the kind of leader you are proud of. 

• Manage the process to stay efficient, scalable, and excellent.

• Continually develop yourself so you don’t become complacent. 

Reminding ourselves about what is most important can help us:

• Work the lead process we forget and ignore.

• Make the tough choices on a project to move it to completion. 

• Clarify succession planning instead of leaving team members in limbo. 

At some point, we have to make the choice to get after it. Our choices reveal our priorities and our priorities become our habits. If you don’t like where you are – it’s time to make new choices and form new habits. 

Here are a few questions for you?

What are your top 2 big personal goals for 2024?

1)  Goal

• My first choice to move towards that goal is …

• I’m going to execute that choice by _____

2)  Goal

• My first choice to move towards that goal is … 

• I’m going to execute that choice by _____

What are your top 2 big professional goals for 2024? 

1)  Goal

• My first choice to move towards that goal is …

• I’m going to execute that choice by _____

2)  Goal

• My first choice to move towards that goal is … 

• I’m going to execute that choice by _____

Don’t get so overwhelmed by the end destination that you forget about the first choice to get there.  

For the past 2 years, it’s been painful on my knees every time I run … so I stopped running.  Well, running is quite beneficial to be healthy, and it’s much easier to do while traveling. During November, my brother-in-law convinced me to start up again on the trail. After a week and a half, I realized he put me on a training plan for a half-marathon he was signed up for. If he would have said – let’s start training for a half, I would have said not a chance. He just said, let’s go run for 30 minutes on the trail. 15 out and 15 in. This was my “first choice”. I feel so much better after starting. It's about the start. Don’t focus so much on the destination that you don’t start. Don’t be afraid to start and see what happens. 

• Make the reservation to your spouse’s favorite restaurant.

• Tonight play your kid’s favorite game.

• Send a message or call the prospect you’ve been nervous to pitch to.

• Move money over to savings. 

• Make the necessary call and move the project closer to completion. 

• Sign up for the Courageous Manager Cohort to develop yourself to an effective manager.

• Sign up for Distilled to focus on Rest and align your leadership with purpose. 

• Do your first choice now, and then do it again and again and again. 

Rest. Dream. Get After It. 

While we Get After It – take the time to surround yourself with people who give you life and energy along the journey. Healthy community is key to healthy habits that propel you towards your goals and dreams.  

Let’s love life at work and most importantly love life at home. We are at our best when we are our best at work and home. 

Cheers to 2024!

Dream: Your Ideal Future for 2024

Last week you reflected (if you didn’t – look up last week’s newsletter). This week is the time to Dream. Next week we get after it. 

What are your dreams … your ideal future? What do you really want? If you took some time to rest and reflect last week, inevitably your mind began to wander a bit. You began dreaming about what could be, maybe what should be … what can be and will be.

When dreaming about the future, there are a couple of parameters to help you discern if it’s a worthwhile dream to put to pen and paper. Let’s be real … not every thought we have is a wise thought worthy of pursuit! I would love to be a race car driver, but it might not be wise to pursue.

1. Does that dream honor and build up my family and the legacy I want to leave? Does that dream make my spouse and kids better? If not – it’s not a worthy dream. 

2. Does that short term dream put me in a position to pursue the long-term dream? 

3. Does the dream help me steward the resources and organization entrusted to me?

You get the idea. Don’t pursue in the short term what might not help you get you to where you want to be in the long term. Don’t pursue in the short term what might damage what you are entrusted to steward (i.e. lead).

I dream of playing lots of golf. That short term dream would cause me to miss too much family time, and so it’s not worth pursuing. The short-term fun does not get me to where I want to be long term. 

So, when I’m asking about what you dream about, let’s consider the implications before getting overrun with excitement.

Let’s put dreams into four buckets.

1)  Personal 

• Health and fitness goals

• Going back for more school or education

• Engage back into church and a healthy spiritual life 

2)  Professional

• Grow your business from Y to Z? 

• Expand with a new product offering?

• Pursue a new role and promotion?

3)  Relational 

• Bring your best to your spouse and re-engage on how to love like you used to in this new season of life

• Commit to take advantage of time with your kids and family

• Commit to restore relationships that are tense or broken 

4)  Financial 

• What are your goals for this year to set you up for future years financially?

• What’s your end goal at retirement?

• How do you prepare for kids or yourself going back to college? 

What are your dreams for those four buckets? What do you really want? Is your dream worthy of the sacrifice?

Do me a favor and don’t start strategizing yet. Keep dreaming. 
Write a descriptive paragraph about your dream and what you want. What do you want your life to look like, relationships to look like, business to look like? Think of yourself like an artist with your words and your job, and bring your vision to life. Articulate what you want. What do you actually want? Write it down. Then share it. 

Before saying why something is not possible or strategizing to make it possible … run your dream through the discernment filter and make sure you are on track with the legacy you want to leave. Then take the time to share your dream with your spouse, trusted friends, and family. Remember – just because they don’t agree or understand doesn’t mean you don’t pursue (unless it’s your spouse, then you need to keep gaining alignment). 

Next week we will dive into some ways to take your dream to reality in 2024. However, take time to keep dreaming this week while celebrating the new year. 

If you need some help processing what you are dreaming about or what your goals are – set yourself up with coaching and let us help you clarify what you want with the right steps in place to get you there. 

Rest and Reflect: Looking Back on 2023

The year is ending. We are going to have two posts to finish the year and another to kick off the year.  

This week we want you to reflect.
Next week we want you to dream. (Dec 26)
The first week of the new year we want to get after it. (Jan 3)

Rather than try and do everything at once, why don’t we slow down and rest a bit? One of my favorite memories of 2023 was standing in the Snake River outside of Yellowstone National Park while attempting to fly fish. The weather was almost as good as the scenery, and I actually rested. While resting, my mind had the opportunity to process the year and think through what was good, what wasn’t and where I wanted to go. 

The second most restful moment was on the beach in Hawaii next to my bride while celebrating 20 years of marriage. This rest was different on a lounge chair listening to the ocean, but my mind was still able to reflect and think forward without feeling the rush of getting to the next meeting. 

My hope is that during this holiday season you can spend some time resting. While rushing around for last minute gifts, holiday parties, and Christmas celebrations, how are you going to manage your calendar so that you “rest” and “reflect”?

Too often we only reflect while reactionary. We look back in the heat of the moment and make decisions during a heightened sense of emotion. This isn’t always bad, but I think we all agree this isn’t always good. 

Before dreaming and setting big goals for 2024 and beyond, answer the following questions. If you get hung up on the questions, schedule some leadership coaching for the new year and we will help you reflect, dream and get after it. 

1) What are you most proud of in 2023 at work? 

• What results or outcomes come to mind?

• What stories of impacting people come to mind? 

2) What are your biggest regrets of 2023 at work?     

• What about that experience makes it a big regret?

• If you encounter similar circumstances in 2024, what will you do differently? 

3) What are you most proud of at home in 2023? 

• What stories come to mind?

• Who can you celebrate these moments with? 

4) What are your biggest regrets at home in 2023? 

• What about that experience makes it a regret?

• If you encounter similar circumstances in 2024, what will you do differently? 

Before dreaming forward, let’s take the time to rest and reflect. Too often we miss the “rest” and jump straight into a dream. However, there is a reason the gym will be full in about 2 weeks and empty in February. Reactionary reflection leads to reactionary decisions. Reactionary decisions are not rooted in what’s most important to us and that’s why we don’t stick with those decisions. 

Rest and Reflect. Sometimes this is a bit painful. Sometimes it’s joyful. Most of the time it’s a mix of both. However, this is crucial. It is personally buying into where you want to go in 2024.

Next week, let’s take the time to dream a bit. 

In the meantime.

• Spend some time with friends.

• Take your kids to breakfast. 

• Read a book.

• Go to the gym.

• Prep your favorite meal to share with friends and family. 

• Instill new traditions for Christmas and carry-on current traditions.

Merry Christmas,

Love Life @ Work. Love Life @ Home. 

Michael Brown and the Insight Team (i.e. Ryan and Deena)

_____________ 

Three intentional steps to rest and reflect upon the past year as you prep for 2024. [ryan@insightlg.com]:

1. Virtual Coffee: Let's chat about your leadership. What do you see when you look at your team?

2. Executive Coaching: Prepare yourself to make the right shifts in approach to lead with effectiveness and drive the results you want to see.

3. Lead with Courage & Conviction: Learn more about our executive leadership experiences that prepare you to leave a legacy worth remembering. Distilled 2024 is coming!! Get in on the Early Bird rate. See details below.

Reflect and Go: Learning the Art of "Rowing Your Boat"

Have you ever been in a rowboat? It’s interesting isn't it? You know where you are going by looking at where you have been. The rower has their back facing the destination but can move towards the future without fear because they can see what they’ve overcome.

Earlier this year, Meg was working on one of her Behold Collective Studies. While studying the Hebrew language in the book of Jeremiah, this analogy came to life. The Hebrew language doesn’t have a concept of the future. They viewed the future as if they were a person in a rowboat. The rower cannot see what’s behind them, aka, their destination or future. What the rower can see, is the past and present.

In the case of the Hebrew people, when looking at their past and present, they could see the faithfulness of their God. Therefore, because they trusted the faithfulness of their God, they could row into the future with no worry or fear.

The first time she shared the passage in Scripture with me, I wanted to argue a bit. You see – I like to think that where I have been doesn’t determine where I will go. There is some truth to that, but I was missing the point. I can look back on where I’ve been and find hope in where I’m going.

We’ve been through the ringer a few times in life; we had highs and lows, and, yet, we are still rowing. I’m not willing to say I'm living with no worry or fear, but I do try! I don’t know where Titus (my oldest son) is going to college, I don’t know what 2024 will look like for Insight with a changing market – there are things I may or may not worry about. But I can look to where we were and be confident in where we will end up.
 
We are now in December of 2023. Before plowing ahead to 2024, take some time to reflect on 2023. Review your personal purpose, 2023 goals, and personal values. 

• What did you mourn?

• What do you need to celebrate?

• Are you proud of who you are today? How come?

• Explain how your personal purpose came to life in 2023?

• Are you loving life at work? Journal your thoughts.

• Are you loving life at home? Journal your thoughts.

• What are you most looking forward to in 2024 at work?

• What are you most looking forward to in 2024 at home?

• What adjustments are you going to make to your decision making to ensure what you are looking forward to comes to life?

 
Our purpose at Insight Leadership Group is to help leaders love life at work and love life at home. We know that when you love life in the most important areas of life – success at work tends to follow. Let’s worry less about if we will get to where we want to go and focus more on rowing well today. That’s what will get us to where we need to go. 

Gratitude. Resilience. Purpose. Don’t Forget To Be Thankful on Thanksgiving

There are a few realities from the past few years that have been front and center for all of us.

1. As much as I want to control – I can’t.

2. I need to plan but can’t put my self-worth in my plans.

3. Everything can change in a moment.

4. Gratitude is about perspective. Don’t lose perspective.

 During our change management sessions we discuss the VUCA model. Check out a quick excerpt here. Basically, this is a simple model that shares the reality that external factors will disrupt our work and life. We know that if we focus solely on what changes and what we can’t control, we will miss out. However, there are some things within our control. Let’s focus on what we can do, not what we can’t. I promise when we focus on what we can do instead of what we can’t – we will find a place of gratitude.
 
This week, I’m not sure what is grabbing your attention. Here’s a snippet of my Monday morning:

• We still have 8 mountains of leaves to burn and it’s raining …

• My boys need to learn responsibility and get their chores done before turning on anything digital ... why do they keep forgetting?

• Can I get all my invoices paid in the next 45 days …

• What’s the best way to smoke a turkey, spatchcock or not?

• How do we close out a great 4th quarter and be ready for an awesome 2024?

• What can I do to grow the business when the market is changing …?

 In the back of my mind as I think about those things, I think about the reality that Meg was in Israel for 22 days studying last year. What if we had postponed her trip? What if she had been there during the Hamas attack? Are the incredible friends she met over there okay? How can we be worrying about what to make for dinner or where to go and then all of a sudden be worrying about if we are even going to be able to eat dinner or see our family again?
 
When looking at some of the terrifying conflicts around the world – It’s sobering and it helps me to not put so much energy into what worries me on a daily basis.
 
I pray that this week if we are fortunate enough to spatchcock, fry, or grill a turkey, that we can find the time to stress less and be thankful more. If are you are roasting a turkey in the oven … I wish you luck!
 
With that--here are my top 9 reminders that help me remain grateful. If you want talk through any of them set up a time to chat!
 

1. Thankful I’m learning that my family is more important than email.

2. Thankful for the realization that client relationships are more important than the next sale.

3. Thankful my biggest Thanksgiving challenge is about smoking and spatchcocking a turkey.

4. Thankful God continues to work through me despite me being me.

5. Thankful my little Alice fell asleep on my lap after a bedtime story.

6. Thankful I’ve aligned my team for physical health.

7. Thankful for a kick butt team at Insight Leadership Group.

8. Thankful for a good church community and friendships.

9. Thankful for the ability to enjoy a quality French press coffee.

 Here’s the deal. There are plenty of things to complain about. What’s the point?  Life is better when we practice gratitude. There will always be something we don’t like, something we don’t appreciate, something that makes us a but anxious. However, we don’t have to let those “somethings” take control of our mind, thoughts, and actions.
 
This Thanksgiving – let the people closest to you and your friends at Insight Leadership Group know what you are thankful for.

Who knows  … we might even watch the Cowboys win this Thanksgiving.

What's Your Proximity: Lead Your Team Whether it's Calm or Tumultuous

After an early morning flight, I found myself preparing for my next session with the beautiful Atlantic Ocean in view on Amelia Island. I could hear the waves splashing onto the shore along with the quietness of the beach. This particular Tuesday afternoon was about as peaceful as it gets.
 
The ocean is mind blowing. The rip tide signs were out that morning. From a distance, the ocean is so peaceful and calming. However, when I stepped in, the water was freezing. The cold water iced my veins. and, if I went a few steps further, the rip tide would try to pull me out and under.
 
It’s amazing how something can seem so peaceful from afar, but, up close, it’s tumultuous. Is it fair to say that our perspective is determined by our proximity?
 
Does this ever play out?

• How many new leaders have joined your award-winning organizations and after the “honeymoon” period, they feel like they waded into a riptide?

• How many of leaders stay on the shore strategizing and closing deals without realizing the managers and frontline team members feel like they are holding on for dear life just trying to stay afloat?

• How many of us have seen and congratulated a “high performing” leader, but the team views them as toxic? Then we promote the toxic leader and further reinforce the rip tide is here to stay?

 
Here’s the deal. If you don’t know what to look for and if you don’t see the signs, then you don’t know it’s there. Everything looks good, but it’s not.
 
The leaders can be sipping mojitos on the beach while working hard. The view from afar is great, but, if they don’t step into the water every now and then, they won’t really know what the team is dealing with and how they can help.
 
So what do you do? How do you stay strategic while also knowing what’s happening with the current?  

Here are a few ideas.  

1. Keep an open dialogue with managers. Skip a level for a coffee every now and then. Remember: if you don’t get “real” feedback, it’s because you don’t have a “real” relationship. Once you are trusted, you will receive news of the riptide and frigid waters.

2. Step into water to see how it feels. Observe and experience the systems, processes, and challenges of the team. Let them know you are not afraid to take the step into their world, and let them know you will work diligently to provide wet suits and proper training to navigate the rip tide.

3. Bring Insight Leadership Group in to conduct a Cultural Healthy Inventory. Gain a granular snap shot of what is great and what needs work to keep everyone moving forward while loving life at work and loving life at home.

 
The ocean is a peculiar place to be ... something so peaceful and yet something that can be so tumultuous. It’s the same with our organizations and teams. If we don’t pay attention to what’s happening in the water, and if we don’t pay attention to the climate, we won’t be ready to weather the storms that roll in. Stay connected to your team, so when the waves are surging in at 20 feet and the damaging winds are howling, you are ready to lead them through the storm safely.
 
If you are a senior level leader without the energy to walk down to the water, then commit to join us at Distilled on Feb 28-March 1 to focus on rest and purpose.


Three intentional steps to be prepared regardless of the wind and the waves in your organization. [ryan@insightlg.com]:

1. Virtual Coffee: Let's chat about your leadership. What do you see when you look at your team?

2. Executive Coaching: Prepare yourself to make the right shifts in approach to lead with effectiveness and drive the results you want to see.

3. Lead with Courage & Conviction: Learn more about our executive leadership experiences that prepare you to leave a legacy worth remembering. Distilled 2024 is coming!! Get in on the Early Bird rate. See details below.

The Sideline System: Leveraging Instant Feedback for Team Development

We spend our Friday nights on the sidelines of Farmington Football games. Our oldest son, Titus, was persuaded to be the kicker this season. We cheer for every PAT, field goal, and kickoff, like you have never heard!
 
Something intrigues me every game. They have a big screen TV on the sideline and when the defense or offense comes off the field, they go straight to the TV to see a bird’s eye view of what just occurred. At first, I felt a little bad for the players having to watch any mistake they just made, but, as the season continues, I love what the coaches are doing.
 
Friday evening, I asked Titus how coaches leverage the tool. The head coach says his number one goal is to build character. Character is built through what we do when no one is looking and what we do when everyone is looking. On that screen – nothing is hidden. Each player has role and a task. The team relies on their teammates to execute on that task to help the team perform. When a player doesn’t do their job, the team struggles. Right when they come off the field, coaches help the players game plan on how to overcome the same mistake on the next play so they can improve; and coaches learn to call better plays. Teenagers are learning how to see their mistakes, to be called out for their mistakes and go back into the game to fix their mistakes week in and week out. These teenagers are learning how to be resilient and continue to perform.
 
The players get better when:

• There is transparency to the team.

• There is effective coaching to every player on the team.

• There is commitment from the players to the team.

The sideline system is built for instant feedback to develop the team. Organizations and leaders might take notes. I’m not advocating for a replay after every team meeting. I am advocating for consistent and constant conversations on what went well, what didn’t go well and how we can improve. What if you developed a sideline culture of coaching and accountability?
 
Have you dealt with or seen any of the following?

• Team members fearful of being caught for making a mistake?

• Team members executing a plan for code without making sure it’s going to consistently work?

• Team members ignoring the strategic plan and going rogue making everyone’s life harder?

• Team members fearful of calling others out who end up exhausted while wasting valuable time and resources?

• Mangers too fearful to address a mistake and so the mistakes continue?

 Let’s take some notes from the Farmington football sidelines and create a culture of growth and development. Could you imagine team members walking up to you and asking for feedback because they want to improve? Could you imagine every manager coaching their coach to keep developing without waiting for quarterly or annual reviews?
 
At Insight Leadership Group, we provide coaching and facilitation with a proven track record to help create a culture of ownership and accountability through effective coaching. If you agree with the problem, but don’t know how to fix it yet – let's talk!
 
In the meantime, give Titus a shout on Friday night!

Leaky Snorkels and Shrimp Shacks: It's not always about your ability. It's about your tools!

The plan was set. We were going to snorkel and ride horses on the beach. That’s when I made the executive decision that the only way we could get there safely was to rent a 5-speed manual slingshot. Thankfully, Meg agreed. We were zipping around the coastline of Oahu getting hot and hungry. That meant it was time for lunch and time to snorkel!

 We pulled up on the “Shrimp Shack” in a small town. The Shrimp Shack was a small food truck that looked like the perfect balance of sketchy and awesome. Apparently, the Food Network stopped by and agreed. Our hunger was more than satisfied and we took our attention to the ocean. The convenience store by the Shrimp Shack sold snorkeling and diving gear next to the Celsius and Hershey Outrageous Bars, so it seemed trustworthy …

 We purchased the snorkeling gear and hopped in Sharks Cove up the road because it sounded like a safe place to take in sea life. Meg started snorkeling like a pro, and I started to question my ability to excel in outdoor activities. This wasn’t my first snorkeling excursion, but, for some reason, I couldn’t figure out how to keep the ocean from leaking inside my mask. I’ve snorkeled in Playa De Carmen, St. Croix, St Vincent, and Florida!  My mind was blown that for some reason I couldn’t snorkel successfully in Sharks Cove. My confidence was shot!

 This reminds me of leadership. Sometimes we rely so much on what we have done before that we don’t realize why it won’t work today. The tools of the past aren’t always the tools that will work in the present. If you have hung out with us, you have probably heard us say, “What got you to where you are will not get you to where you need to be.” This is true of our skillsets and our tools.

 We see this with new executives often. When you were a director over one department you grew up in, everything came to you. You were an expert in that vertical of the business. The way you led meetings, made decisions, and mentored, helped you and others succeed. However, now you are a VP, and three of the verticals you now steward are not quite in your wheelhouse. Now, you realize the tools in your toolbox are not the right tools for the new job. You are surviving but struggling to realize why it’s so difficult and exhausting.

 We see this in sales leaders who move industries. They were winning the Champions Club year over year selling copiers or appliances, but quickly realize consultative selling is not quite the same. They must learn new skills, but the tools of the past aren’t working efficiently. Sometimes it’s not your ability. It’s more about the tools you are using that aren’t working.

 After horseback riding later in the afternoon, I gave snorkeling another try and realized the seal connecting the breathing apparatus to the snorkel was letting water in. No matter how hard I was trying to use the tool correctly, the tool was flawed … and my snorkeling performance was less than stellar. The tool was broken, not my ability! While the ocean water I drank made me sick, my confidence was restored. Thankfully, I spent an extra $15 for Meg’s gas station snorkel, and she was all good.

It's not always your ability – sometimes it’s the tool you choose!!

 *Are you struggling to lead through and anchor change? Maybe you need new tools to think through, gain buy-in and anchor the change?

*Are you struggling to connect with a new tenured team? Maybe you need tools to lead with RQ and assimilate with your new team?

*Are you struggling to present to the SLT influentially? Maybe you need new tools to present influentially?

*Are you struggling to remain strategic during constant change? Maybe you need new tools to stay strategic while constantly dealing with adversity?

 Listen – You are awesome, but you might be attempting to be awesome with a leaky snorkel! Therefore, you are struggling and taking in ocean water while trying to stay healthy. Those two things don’t go hand in hand.

 You have bright spots in your leadership ... like driving a 5-speed sling shot and stopping at the Shrimp Shack. But overall, the leaky snorkel is tanking your success.

Sometimes we can spot the challenges quickly on our own. Sometimes we need some help to find the leak and the right tools to fix it. Instead of struggling to figure it on your own – why don’t you give us a call to see if we can help?

At the minimum – Ryan and I will help you enjoy a 45-minute virtual coffee. At the maximum, you start to have more hope that you can love your life at work and love your life at home. Learn to have hope that instills the same kind of joy I had zipping around Oahu in a 5-speed convertible slingshot while enjoying amazing seafood from a sketchy award-winning food truck.

Book a time to chat, and stop drinking ocean water.